we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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