Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
