I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
