cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
