Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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