I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize