Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
