i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
