good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
