Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
