Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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