all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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