You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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