Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
