i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
