i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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