how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
