people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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