Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
