Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize