We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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