So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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