Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
