I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have tasted many bathrooms
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
