Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize