just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
