That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
