tell your sister to shave her snatch
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
