I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
