I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
