I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
