there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
