I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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