Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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