you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
be right there i have to get my cape
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
