I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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