Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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