I faked an abortion last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
