i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
