will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
