I heard we made out
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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