i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
