she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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