if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My breasts were aching with rage.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
