One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
