dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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