we have officially lost it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
