I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
