once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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