Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize