Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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