I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
