FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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