Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
