fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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