They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
