Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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