Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
