I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
